Dimension Traveling is such a Drag
by Relena Duo
Summary: After Fury spoke with Tony in that barn he is informed of a strange individual appearing out of thin air. The strange individual, is in turn, more than pissed off and has some words for Fury. Language Warning since this is Nathan Young we're talking about. Featured Age of Ultron Avengers and Nathan just after episode 6 of season 2.
1. Dimension Travelling is such a Drag

**Idea that came to me some ages ago. It's supposed to be the first part of a series of one-shot that I'll upload whenever the fancy strikes me. In other words, this might be the first and the last you ever see of this, but I kinda doubt it since I have just too many ideas running around in my head.**

 **I tried my hardest to keep everyone in character, I hope I succeeded.**

 **Anyways, here we go, hope you enjoy this.**

* * *

Nick Fury had just finished his talk with Tony Stark and was on his way to prep a backup team for if – and when – everything turned into a giant clusterfuck of previously unknown proportions. He had all the faith of the world in the Advengers – no, really, he did – but he was also a realist and he was painfully aware of all the mayhem Ultron could cause. Fury was just eternally grateful the AI had not as of yet decided to launch every nuke on the planet.

Just then, as if on cue, his phone rang.

"What now?", he asked impatiently when he saw it was one of his contacts that was supposed to help with his backup plan.

"Sir! Lab Delta just registered high levels of radiation on the system and nobody is picking up on their end!"

Fury straightened himself, Lab Delta had been one of the many labs designed for research of the Tesseract, though only Selvig's lab had had the honor of having the actual thing. Lab Delta was supposed to have shut down when SHIELD was exposed as being mostly HYDRA, but unfortunately some of the stuff that had been going on there couldn't be shut down that easily so Fury had assembled a small team of scientists to look after the place till it was completely shut down. He'd known some the things lying around there could potentially be dangerous that needed a team of experts each, but he'd had no other option at the time.

"Change course to Lab Delta!", he shouted at the helicopter pilot and then spoke into his phone, "What else can you tell me?"

"Ultron – Sir, Ultron hacked into all the labs, but since most of them are shut down nothing mayor happened, except for Lab Delta. From what I can gather everything must have gone haywire at the same time!"

Fury cursed, "I'm on my way Ferguson, meet you there ETA thirty to thirty-five minutes."

"Y-yes, sir", said Ferguson and hung up.

Exactly thirty-two minutes later Fury was walking towards the front doors of Lab Delta where a whole team of soldiers were waiting for instructions from Ferguson, who was among them.

"Sir", Ferguson saluted, "Nobody has come out nor has anybody entered, levels of radiation have gone through the roof, but our experts say it's harmless to humans."

Fury nodded and got out his hand gun, "Then let's get this show on the road. Ferguson, take the lead. I'll have your back. The rest follow behind."

There was a quick shuffling as they all got in position. Ferguson gave the sign and the doors were kicked open. They hurried inside, saw nobody or anything threatening and decided to move onwards. Ferguson led the way to the main lab where the radiation signals were coming from and once again they got into position to kick open the door. Fury clicked off the safety of his gun – there could be anything in there. From another Loki to an innocent puppy. Anything.

The door got kicked open and they stormed inside.

Fury froze when he saw what was going on.

On the floor lay all the scientists of the lab, whether they were dead or just unconscious had yet to be determined. The equipment of the lab was sending sparks everywhere and those machines who hadn't been overloaded by whatever Ultron had done to them and exploded were on the verge of doing just that.

But all that was just in the background for Fury, for the most eye-catching thing in the whole room was the giant portal that had opened a few meters above the floor and looked like it was threatening to encompass the whole room as it was making ominous noises.

"Sir! The scientists are still alive!", yelled one of the soldiers as he was checking for pulses form the prostrated forms.

Fury took that second to decide what was to be done, "Get those people out of here! Sweep the place and make sure we have everybody", he checked his watch, "We're gonna blow this place to kingdom come in the next ten minutes, start setting the explosives!"

Immediately the men began doing their assigned tasks. Within five minutes the last scientist had been carried out and the last five explosives were being placed in strategic places around Lab Delta.

Fury allowed himself to feel a little relieved at that – this portal was gonna end here.

Just then, as if on cue, the portal began shuddering and whirling in new colors.

He had to resist the urge to shout out curses, why did his day keep getting worse?

As he was starting to usher the men to all group up in the same spot near the lab door – in case they needed a quick exit – Fury began to realize the portal looked quite different from the time Loki had stepped through it.

The portal pulsed and the men all pointed their weapons at it, ready to fire whatever came through.

The portal gave one last bright flash of light and they saw something – or rather, someone – fall out of it and land painfully on the floor headfirst.

A low, obviously painful moan came from the person that was still sprawled out on the floor.

Fury held up his hand to stop the men from shooting and moved cautiously towards the moaning person.

Upon closer inspection it was revealed to be a man – or teenager – as his hoodie and loose jeans suggested. A very much human teenager.

"Hey, you", he called as he approached.

The kid gave a deep groan and managed to sit and blink around stupidly, "Uuuuuuuugh, never drinking again", he moaned.

"State your name and planet from origin", barked Fury, even if the kid looked human it didn't mean that he was one.

The kid turned to look at him. He looked fairly normal, Fury would walk past him in the streets and not think anything of him with his dark curly mop of hair, light green eyes and perfectly human looking clothes.

The kid stared at him with a stupid expression on his face for a moment and then his eyes found the gun pointed at his head and widened comically. His hands shot up as high as was physically possible and he began shouting, "It wasn't me I swear! It was all Barry!"

Fury raised an eyebrow at him.

"If not him then it was Kelly! Or Curtis or Alysha! I didn't do anything I swear!", he continued to shout and Fury had to find it suspicious that he was so adamant on blaming other people for whatever he thought he was being accused of. Pity he didn't have the time to see where his rant would end.

"I was only drinking responsibly, blame the others for whatever clusterfuck happened this time – I didn't steal anything this time!", continued the kid.

"State your name and planet of origin!", barked Fury before the kid could incriminate himself further – didn't steal anything this time? Who was stupid enough to say things like that?

The kid blinked quickly a couple of times, "Planet of origin? What's this? Doctor Who?", he narrowed his eyes at Fury, "Is that even a real gun? It's a water gun isn't it! I know my water guns you can't fool me into believing that's a real one!", he pointing his finger at Fury like a child would point accusingly at a culprit of some petty crime.

Knowing his time was running out before the explosives went off Fury gave one quick shot at one of the dead computers nearby to show just how fake his gun was, "Name and planet of origin!"

The kid screamed and held the hand he had used to point at Fury back in the air, "Earth! I'm from Wertham, London – I was born in Ireland!"

"Name!"

"Nathan Young!", the kid shouted and looked at him angrily, "Look, I don't know what you sick fucks think I am or did, but-"

"Grab him!", Fury ordered the men as he knew time was running out and now that he knew the kid was human he could take him outside with them before the place blew up.

"What?!", shrieked the kid, "No wait-", he got manhandled into a standing position by the men and began screaming like a pig being slaughtered as he thrashed around in the soldiers' grasp, "I'M BEING ASSAULTED! A BUNCH OF GORRILA-SLUTS ARE ASSAULTING ME!"

Fury made sure to hurry up so he wouldn't have to listen to the stupidity of the kid.

No such luck.

"RAPE, RAPE!", he could still hear the kid scream, "POLICE! SOMEBODY CALL THE POLICE!"

Just as they were running outside through the front doors the kid gave another ear-scratching scream, "BARRY SAVE ME! DON'T LET THE GORRILA-SLUTS MAKE ME THEIR SEX SLAVE!"

The soldiers dutifully ignored the kid's nonsense and got to shelter just in time before the place went sky-high.

The kid gaped at the place when the explosion calmed down and looked amazed when the soldiers let go of him mostly, then he turned to Fury, "The hell was that?! Do you motherfuckers enjoy blowing up shit?! Am I with the IRA now? The fuck?!"

Fury gave one longsuffering sigh, he was already getting tired of this kid, but he had questions that needed answers, "Go take him to the Helicarrier, I'll lead the interrogation from there", he ordered Ferguson.

"Interrogation?", squaked the kid, "What does that mean?", the soldiers once again grabbed him and began dragging him away, "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!", he went back to screaming, "I'M INNOCENT YOUR HONOR! KELLY! COME HELP SAVE ME FROM THE GORRILA-SLUTS!"

Internally wondering how somebody could be more annoying than Stark, Fury began making his way back to his own – thankfully – private helicopter.

"CURTIS COME DO SOMETHING YOU TWAT! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU WANKERS?!", those were the last discernible words he heard the boy scream as he was then tossed into another helicopter that had arrived, he could still hear the kid screaming what was probably obscenities inside the helicopter at the soldiers, but fortunately Fury couldn't make them out anymore.

Once on the Helicarrier and only after setting course for Sokovia did Fury excuse himself from the bridge and went to the interrogation room where they were housing the kid.

"Report", he said once he spotted Ferguson at the room's door.

"Sir", the man saluted, "We found an ID on him from England, but when ran it through the system we came up empty handed. We then proceeded to take his fingerprints – uh, he almost made Trevor swallow the ink, sir – after we were able to run his fingerprints on the system we again wound up empty handed. We've run his face through the facial-recognition program and we again didn't find him. But-", Ferguson shuffled through a bunch of papers he was holding and handed Fury a folder, "When we asked him his parents' names we were able to find them, only, as you can see, his mother figures as having died when she was an infant and his father died as a teenager."

Fury eyed the folder critically, "What are the possibilities that these are fake?"

"I contacted a friend at the MI6 and he looked into it. There is no possibility that they're both fake."

The documentation of both their deaths looked genuine enough and both families came from normal backgrounds and there hadn't happened anything eventful with them since the death of their relative. It looked genuine.

"I still want this looked into more thoroughly", he said and Ferguson nodded.

"Absolutely, sir."

"I'm going in there now, anything I should be aware of?"

Ferguson looked uncertainly at the door of the room, "He has quite the colorful language sir, he's also convinced we are about to do very perverted things to him. He – ah – he called Miss Hill a porn star", Ferguson blushed and looked down at his feet.

Fury grimaced, he'd had the misfortune of encountering Hill right after the kid had said that. She wasn't pleased. She was grumbling on how even Tony Stark had more tact than the kid and that was saying a lot.

Fury could only thank the stars the kid didn't appear to have powers.

He opened the door to a completely barren room save for a table and two chairs at opposite ends. The kid was cuffed to his chair with his right hand and gave Fury the stink eye as soon as he saw him.

"You finally going to tell me what's up with all the BDSM shit?", he rattled his cuffs noisily, "I wouldn't have pegged you for one into kinky stuff – you're more like one of those heartless psychos that enjoys killing people."

Fury sat down on the free chair, completely ignoring the brat.

It seemed to peeve the brat if he wasn't getting all the attention, "You get off from that don't'ya?", he rattled his cuffs again, "I bet you also get off from their corpses, you creepy bastard!"

Resisting – but only barely – to roll his eye at the brat Fury opened the folder he'd taken from Ferguson, "We found your parents", he stated.

The brat looked a little relieved for a moment then went back to having an expression of couldn't-care-less, "Well, _finally_ , when are they getting here?"

"Never", said Fury and kept his eye close on how the brat looked completely betrayed for a moment before changed to angry-looking.

"So what's their excuse this time? Did you tell them my life was in danger? Did you call my Dad or Mom? Cause Dad's about as useless as they come in this type of situations. So is Mom, but hey! At least she's the one with the better excuses!"

Fury could detect a whole family drama unfolding in front of his eye, so before the kid could go back to blaming his parents for his life's errors he handed him over the folder he'd been holding.

The kid looked at it blankly for a moment, "What's that?"

"It's a folder you're supposed to read. I expect you to be able to do that."

The brat pulled a face and opened the folder clumsily with his left hand and began reading.

He hadn't lasted a paragraph, probably not even a full sentence when he looked up, "Can't you just tell me what it says? It looks boring", he whined.

He gave the brat the Stare with his one good eye.

The kid huffed and went back to reading.

Fury was confident he was actually reading it and not faking to read it when he saw the brat's eyebrows furrow in confusion and then him turn a page hastily.

The kid was halfway through the folder when he looked up again, "What's this?!", he cried, "They didn't die! They're alive! I just saw Dad a couple of months ago when Jaime-", he abruptly stopped, "He was there and alive and old and wrinkly and grey and shit-", he took a deep breath, "He was alive dammit! He didn't die when he was a teenager from some shit!"

"We couldn't find you on any of our systems. We've contacted all the government agencies and you still didn't show up, we ran your fingerprints – same result, we ran your face with also the same result. You don't exist."

The kid looked at him in shock, "But what about the Community Centre?! Look it up, Wertham Community Centre! I worked there for my community service!"

Fury jotted down the name on a notebook he always had on hand, "Anything else?"

"Yes! Kelly Bailey, she was with me in the community service! Barry – um – um", he clicked his fingers, "Simon Belle? I think? Bella – Bella-something – Bellamy! Simon Bellamy, Curtis Donovan, Alisha Daniels – some of them even had ASBOs!"

Fury nodded, "Why were you in community service?"

"For stealing pick n' mix."

Giving him another Stare with his one good eye the brat squirmed, "What? Did you expect murder?", he huffed. Fury had to be surprised when he noticed that the brat wasn't lying.

Moving on Fury decided to ask his next question, "Do you know where you landed and how you got there?"

The brat rolled his eyes, "Dunno and dunno. Last thing I remember was getting drunk at a bar with Barry and Kelly and maybe Alisha? I think Curtis was there too? Anyway, there was this hot girl at the back of the bar and I was going to go to the alley with her, if you catch me", he waggled his eyebrows at Fury, "That's when I remember falling and next thing I know – BAM!", he motions at Fury with his free hand, "Pirates!"

Suppressing a sigh Fury continued, "You were found in the state of Ohio at an almost closed down laboratory where a freak accident had happened and a portal was opened. We are currently on our way to Sokovia."

The brat blinked at couple of times at him, "You're not joking", he said faintly and then made a face of confusion, "The fuck is Sokovia?"

"I'm afraid I'm not and it's a country", he said and noted with interest the fact that the kid didn't know the most famous country of the moment. Its struggles were international news everywhere.

Blinking a little further the kid seemed to sink into his chair, "The fuck?"

Fury set down his pen and closed his notebook, "I'll be frank with you. I believe you come from some sort of parallel dimension."

"That's fuck-ass crazy", said the brat.

"Does the name of the Avengers ring any bells to you?", asked Fury.

"Huh?"

"Exactly, if you were from this world you would know who I'm talking about", Fury paused to look at the bewildered expression on the kid's face, "I don't think you exist in this world", he said seriously.

The kid pulled a face, "Fuck off."

"I'll send Ferguson in to have you look at some stuff", he said and stood, "We'll speak again later, don't worry if you feel the ride becoming a little bumpy", he said and while ignoring the loud protests from the brat he went back to the bridge, but not before sharing his theory to Ferguson and have him show some stuff to the brat.

They'd just arrived at the floating city and he was organizing the rescue effort when Hill called him to check on one of the observation areas quickly. He hurriedly gave orders for the cameras of that section of the ship to check out what was happening.

What he saw surprised him slightly. It was Ferguson showing the brat the battle happening below them. Ferguson appeared to be trying to explain something while the brat was gesturing around animatedly while pressing his face against the window, like a child looking at candy.

Fury dialed Ferguson's phone quickly, watching on the screen how he picked up his phone to answer Fury, "Ferguson, what are you doing with the brat?"

"Oh! Sir, you were right! Mr. Young doesn't know many of the things that are common knowledge for us. I've just been explaining to him about Ultron and his plan to destroy the earth, he doesn't even know who Iron Man is!"

"Run some basic history through him and some science as well, just to make sure", said Fury, "I'll be leaving him under your care for now", he hung up after that, he had people to save after all.

Hours later, when Banner had been declared missing, Quicksilver's body had been retrieved from the debris and the Vision confirmed he'd finished off the last of Ultron, Fury went to have another talk with Ferguson and some of the experts that had been called in when Lab Delta went haywire.

By the next day some of the scientists that had worked there were able to answer some the questions of what had happened.

By the end of the week they had very solid proof that Nathan Young came from another dimension. The Comminuty Centre he'd mentioned had been closed decades ago after a fire. Kelly Bailey didn't exist, Simon Bellamy had died when he was a little child, Curtis Donovan was alive, but with a prospering and shining career as an Olympic runner and no crimes to his name and lastly Alisha Daniels was a six year old little girl that obviously had no crime to her name. All this information hadn't sat well with the brat who had for once stopped talking and sulked for about a day before he was around pestering people again.

It was some time later, when Steve Rogers and the rest of the Avengers had all moved in into the New Avengers Facility that Fury decided to was a good time to bring up the brat to the Captain.

"What?!", yelled Tony Stark, because of course Fury couldn't get an easy day and Rogers had decided to bring in Stark to talk with Fury.

"But are you sure of this?", asked Rogers, having that responsibly concerned expression on his face.

Fury sighed.

Nathan had been in the black SUV for over an hour on some trip who knows where and he was all out of things to keep his boredom at bay.

"Hey, Bald-man, stop by the next garage and buy me some chips!", he said imperiously.

Not five minutes later Nathan saw a garage and watched as they drove by. He would have shouted in indignation, but he'd been giving Bald-Man orders since the beginning of the trip and he still had to listen to him, the twat.

"Uuuggghhh", he moaned, "I'm dying back here", he proclaimed dramatically and flopped himself over the back seat for good measure.

His life had changed considerably in the last couple of weeks and it wasn't all good. At first it had been all awesomeness and amazement and shit like that with the Heli-not-copter whatever the hell it was called and that Awesome Battle of Awesomeness with the Avengers, but it soon turned into boring sessions being prodded and poked by scientists that 'just wanted to make sure he was human'. Pfft, sure, poking and proding for the security of the planet – his ass.

There was also Fury, who Nathan had taken to call Captain Pirate or Pirate Man or the Cunt Pirate, who would question him and bring those blasted folders for Nathan to read. First it was his Mom and Dad and then it was Kelly, then Barry and then there was Alisha and Curtis, the only two alive. Except Alisha was a little girl and Curtis was an Olympic runner with no ASBO. Even the Community Centre was gone.

Fucking twat for bringing him those folders.

Nathan was jolted out of his musings when he felt the car stop. He quickly sat up and saw that they were at some sort of military base. Nathan frowned, Fury had promised him he wouldn't imprison him after spouting some moral shit about humanity and freedom, had he changed his mind? Nathan had never really trusted Fury that much, it just didn't come to him when he heard what had happened to those two siblings with powers, working and being experimented on by some terrorist nut-job. He didn't like the way people on this earth treated people with powers, even if the weird siblings were the extreme case of bad luck he wasn't going to take his chances with these people – any of them.

If Fury seemed to be the good guy, Nathan still didn't like the way he seemed to be some sort of overseer of the Avengers. He'd also heard the rumor of how he'd distrusted the new Avenger-guy, Visionary or something.

In short, Nathan wasn't about to tell any of these people he was immortal.

Soon, he was hauled out of the SUV and into the building by Bald-man. They walked – or rather, Bald-man walked while Nathan was dragged – towards some office-like room where Captain Pirate was standing with some buff blond dude and a guy with a goatee.

"Finally decided to imprison me after all Cunt Pirate?", he asked and the guy with the goatee sniggered.

"No", Fury didn't even bat an eye at what Nathan had said, "This is Steve Rogers, aka Captain America", he motioned at the blond buff, "And this is Tony Stark, aka Iron Man", he motioned at goatee guy.

"Hey, you're the one that build the murderous robot!", he pointed at Tony and laughed, "That must've been awkward."

Tony nodded a bit and then turned to Fury, "Yeah, you were right. He's an asshole."

Steve stepped closer to Nathan and he suddenly had the urgent need to step backwards and barely managed to keep himself in place.

Steve extended his right hand, "Pleased to meet you Nathan", he said nicely.

Nathan stared at the hand for a bit and then shook it, "Yeah, whatever, can I go now?"

Steve let go of his as his face turned grim, "You see, that's why you're here. Your home is really far away and we don't know if we could send you back."

"Inter-dimensional physics is dangerous, you know? You shouldn't even be here, we had destroyed what little we had to perform that job, all Lab Delta housed was a stabilizer which hadn't been finished yet, it was only a prototype!", huffed Tony, "It shouldn't have worked!"

He might not be the brightest, but Nathan had already gathered as much over the last few weeks, "So what? You gonna lock me in a glass cage to ogle at me?"

"Of course not!", Steve looks scandalized he could even think of something like that and it reminds him a bit of Barry.

"You're going to stay here, for the meantime", says Tony, "While we figure out where to put accidental dimension-hoppers."

"And where", he motions around him, "Is here?"

"Here is the New Avengers Facility", informs Steve, like he is proud of it or something.

Nathan's eyebrows rise as he slowly comes to understand just what that mean exactly, "The fuck?!", he shrieks highly.

In the distance he can hear somebody shout 'language' followed by a bout of loud laughter. Steve is hiding his face in his hand by the time Nathan is bothering to look back at the people in the room. Tony looks like he is also holding his laughter.

Okay, maybe living here wouldn't be _too_ bad. But still-

"Why the fuck do I have to stay here?", he asks indignantly, if only on principal.

"Where else would you be? The prison? Because I'm sure Eye-patch here can clear that real quick, just for you, special treatment", says Tony, like he's hoping Nathan will say yes.

Nathan instead scowls at him, "Fine, I'm staying. But what about my home world? When am I getting back?", he asks, because if his suspicions are true then he would like to know it.

The other two men in the room turn to look expectantly at Tony.

Tony looks uneasy for a moment, "Well see, thing is, you _really_ shouldn't be here."

"So, what? I'm stuck here?", he asks to clarify, because even if he suspected it he still can't fucking believe what he just heard.

Tony looks at him with pity and Nathan absolutely hates him at that moment, "Sorry, but all data of where you might come from was erased when the lab blew up. Even if we were planning on opening portals – which are, as I just said, extremely dangerous – we would have no idea where to send you. In short, yes. You're stuck here."

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 **Next one will hopefully be more funny than this one.**

 **Please leave a comment!**


	2. Ant-Worshippers are such a Drag

**After landing himself a spot in the New Avengers Facility Nathan tries to get himself a somewhat normal life. Of course this is Nathan we are talking about so nothing ever goes as planned. Language warning since this is still Nathan Young.**

 **Sequel to Dimension Travelling is such a Drag.**

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 **So I didn't think I would be posting the second part to this so soon and I was going to have an exam this week, but then our teacher got who knows what and is now in the hospital, so the exam got cancelled.**

 **She's all fine and will be out soon, but this at least gave me some free time to write this.**

* * *

"Oi, you cunts! Brought the lunch. Again. Like it's my fucking job or something", announced Nathan Young as he entered the scientific research area of the New Avengers Facility, carrying several bags of lunches.

"It actually is your job, you idiot", says one of the grumpier scientists as he goes to grab his lunch and sneers at Nathan when he holds it away from him.

"Back off, you twat", says Nathan, "For your information my job isn't to be your coffee boy, I'm here to work as a lab assistant that deserves all the respect!", he finished haughtily.

"Like hell it is, now give me my lunch you little scoundrel!"

Nathan pulls the lunch away once again, "Who even says scoundrel nowadays? Were you born last century? I bet you were!"

"Nathan, for the love of all things good, give the man his lunch!", said an exasperated Erik Selvig, the big honcho of the science division.

Nathan rolled his eyes and gave up on all the lunches he was hoarding, "Whatever."

He received one last sneer from Mr. Grumpy before he was finally left alone to continue his job.

Slumping down on one of the nearby chair, Nathan began to twirl around on the chair as he plugged his ears with his iPhone and set the volume to maximum.

Listening to trash metal while he observed most of the scientists continue with their work as they occasionally nibbled on the lunch he'd had to carry from the reception up here. Not that it was very far and sure, he'd used the elevator, but it didn't change the fact that these people were a bunch of ungrateful twats.

He didn't even want this job. Well, it wasn't precisely like that. There had been this whole first couple week at the Facility where he hadn't had a problem in the world to let other serve him from head to toe and he would have continued with that attitude if it wasn't for one little thing.

He still remembered rather vividly the day his mom had kicked him out of the house the consequent months he hadn't had a real home and had to live from what he could steal from the vending machines. Sometimes Kelly or even Barry would bring him something if they felt like it, but mostly it was him alone on this world to care for himself.

He didn't want to go through that again.

So after a couple of weeks of living the good life, Nathan had done perhaps the first responsible thing in his entire life. He'd started to look for some way to make himself useful at the Facility.

Being bored out of his mind after a few weeks of having absolutely fucking nothing to do might also have helped a little to make that decision.

First, he'd thought he'd watch the janitor and see how his job was. After all his time cleaning up after other people's messes at the Community Centre he knew by now how to handle some garbage disposal. Or so he thought. Turns out that a bunch of superheroes can trash up a room thrice as badly as any normal human being and also thrice as quickly. The rooms almost always also had oil stains from one of the many machine-based heroes or stuff twisted up like somebody had been playing with reality at that moment.

He'd given one of those trashed up rooms one glance and decided to move on.

Next he'd watched the gardener. They had no real garden so the job ought to be easy he'd thought.

They did turn out to have a big ass lawn though. There was a guy with a lawnmower working the lawn while looking like he had died a little on the inside every time he saw the size of the lawn.

Nathan had bailed out of that after about five minutes of watching the man move at a pace that would put even a turtle to shame.

He'd also almost immediately discarded the idea of becoming one of the soldiers or one of the unfortunate dudes that had to oil the robots or machinery that the superheroes used.

When he was about to give up completely he'd spotted the science division and figured, why the hell not? He'd found the big honcho Selvig on wits ends about needing an extra hand on some experiment so he'd offered.

In the end he only had to hold a tube of blue stuff for about an hour, but the guy had noticed him and thanked him. So Nathan was back the next day and the next and the next. It had taken time, cause Nathan was still Nathan and he could only be patient for so long before he began saying stuff that annoyed people, but fortunately by the time some of them hated him enough to ask for him to be kicked out he'd already secured a job for himself there as – well – he wasn't sure what the hell was his official job there.

But it was still his job, dammit! They gave him a couple dollars each week for his bother and now nobody could call him a lecher or useless or whatever since he was earning his stay.

He was jolted out of his reverie when honcho Erik motioned for him to come over.

"What now?", he sighed as he took out his plugs.

"Make sure to pour exactly 5.5 milliliter of this into the main tube 3", he said as he absently handed over the tube to Nathan, going back to looking into a microscope and being a certified deaf.

Nathan looked at the tube with some clear liquid in it in his hand and shrugged.

"Eh, why not", he said and went to what he assumed to be main tube 3, judging by the giant 3 that was drawn on it.

"How much was a milliliter again?", he wondered as he prepared himself to pour some of it. This wasn't the first time he'd been asked to actually do something important in the lab. The people there sometimes got distracted and forgot who they were talking to when they handed him things. Most of the times there actually wasn't a problem with what they asked him to do, but then-

The explosion that came from main tube 3 as he undoubtedly poured more than 5.5 milliliters into the concoction was deafening and threw him against the wall.

-sometimes he did mess up. Because, hell, he barely remembered his chemistry teacher's name, never mind what he actually taught.

"Well, another day, another fuckup. Though not too big this, I'd say we're improving!", he said gleefully.

Cap just looked at him like he wished he knew how to deal with him, but clearly didn't so he just settled on frustration, "Nathan, you have to stop taking chemicals from the scientists", he said like it pained him to say those words.

It probably had something to do with the fact that Nathan had lost count of how many times Cap had said those words to him.

"Look, you shouldn't worry too much, we know what we're doing", said Nathan with his best smile.

"No, no you don't", deadpanned Cap, "This is the fourth time this month."

Nathan rolled his eyes, "But we're all okay! Nothing happened!"

"A piece of ceiling collapsed, people near the explosion are in the hospital for poisoning now, it took us hours to get to where you were trapped and Doctor Selvig lost some of his meds in the debris", Cap looked him in the eyes, "How you are even alive is a mystery, if not downright a miracle! Think what could happen to you next time? You could get seriously injured!"

Nathan had stopped listening halfway through his rant and got out some gum to chew on. It had become his habit after his first death when the first thing he got to eat was gum. That explosion had been something else. Nathan wasn't sure if it was the poisonous gas that the chemicals caused that had killed him or the hit against the wall.

Maybe both? He was just glad that it had taken them so long to rescue him from the debris or they might have found him while he was still dead.

"Are you listening to me, Nathan?", asked Cap as he looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Don't get your knickers in a twist", he rolled his eyes again.

Cap stared at him for a moment, sighed deeply, turned around and left while muttering, "I don't even know why I bother."

Nathan shrugged it all off and went to find something to occupy himself with since he knew that for the next couple days none of the scientific division would want him near their lab except to bring some lunch or a coffee or two. But they forgot soon, they always became so engrossed over some new shit that they discovered that they would one day just need another hand and would be too occupied to notice that this hand belonged to one Nathan Young.

Meanwhile he would go around the Facility and annoy people.

Well, maybe not Natasha.

You didn't annoy Natasha Romanov unless you wanted to die. Painfully.

He might be an immortal, but that didn't mean he didn't feel any pain when he died and he was sure that if Natasha wanted to she could make all his previous deaths pale in comparison to what she could do to him.

He just knew this, he knew it from the look in her eyes after that time he'd made a comment about hot redheads in skintight suits. To be honest it had been his own special – albeit weird – way of complimenting her. How was he supposed to know inviting her to one of the changing rooms so she could show him her suit would make her give off a murderous aura?

He was still thankful that because of his job he didn't much to do with any of the other Avengers, sure, he still ran into them since this was their workplace and some even lived here. But at least he didn't have to interact with them on a daily basis.

Stark hated him, or loved to hate him, or hated to love him. He still wasn't sure which exactly it was, so he very seldom saw the twat. He would often see Cap though, like today, since if – and when – something went wrong with Nathan it was his job to check on him immediately – something the Cunt Pirate had apparently set him up to do as the leader of this circus known as the Avengers, or New Avengers or whatever. Natasha he barely, if ever, saw since they both avoided each other. Him because he didn't want to experience new levels of pain for letting his mouth run away again. She, because apparently she found him to be disgusting and repulsive, or at least that's what he had heard through the grapevine of the Facility.

He often saw the Witch, given that they both lived in the Facility, but since she frankly freaked the shit outta him he had tried to stay away from her at the begging. Not that it had worked, really. She was one of the very few people here that had even an ounce of patience to deal with him. Same with the other freak of the Facility, the robot-not-robot, Vivi – no living on this planet or his home planet could make him call anybody the Vision, it was a name for pussies.

That left the two side-kicks – who always denied being such – Sam and that other dude, Rally, or whatever. He was almost never at the facility and if he was he was always flanking Stark which naturally made him his sworn enemy.

Making a turn down another corridor Nathan found himself at the older side of the Facility, almost nobody came these parts so he could always take a smoke without being told he would die of lung cancer or some shit.

"Hey grandpa", he greeted the man as he eased himself on top of a crate. It was some sort of storage area, barely any light came in from the small windows it mostly smelled stale from lack of proper ventilation.

The man gave a sigh of exasperation, "Was that explosion of earlier you again?"

Nathan shrugged.

"You could at least have the decency to answer me, you know."

"You shoulda gone checked if it bothers you so much", he mumbled around his cigarette.

The man just gave him an unhappy look.

"Why do you even care?", Nathan sighed, "Why do you refuse to leave this place? What is your problem grandpa?", he almost felt like shouting at the man.

The man shook his head, "Never mind, what is news out there?"

Nathan's eye twitched a bit, he took a deep smoke and fished his pack out from one of his pockets and started on a second one, "What? You mean boy wonder? Everybody's talking about this thing about his girlfriend dumping him, the bastard."

The man, already used to his crass language, ignored it, "That is so sorry, I really liked her", he said wistfully.

"Why don't you go bother him then?", asked Nathan, "Go terrorize him until he gets back with her or something."

"I have to stay", said the man, "I have to stay until it's the right time."

"Right time for what? The Apocalypse? Right time for fucking what you twat?!", he raged. Damn he sometimes hated this guy.

"I don't know. I just know that I need to tell him something, but I don't know what yet", the man sighed, "I guess I'll know when it's time."

Nathan huffed and took another deep smoke.

"Whatever it is have to say him, I know I also want him to know how much I loved him", said the man as walked around the storage room aimlessly.

Nathan was silent for a moment and then cleared his throat, "Fine, just walk around the Facility so I don't have to tell you everything", he huffed, "It gets boring."

The man smiled, "Okay, I will venture out some more", he frowned, "And stop calling me grandpa, I don't even have any grandchildren."

Nathan rolled his eyes and threw down his used up cigarette and stomped on it as he jumped off the crate he had been sitting on, "Whatever Harry."

"It's Howard", called the man exasperatedly as Nathan left.

"Whatever!", he called back.

Howard sighed in frustration as he watched the brat leave, "Of all the people that can see dead people, it had to be that idiot to end up here."

It had been a few weeks since the explosion, he was going through a record time without making a mess out of stuff when the alarms went off.

His first reaction was to shout at the nearest camera, "I didn't do anything this time!"

A guard that came running by shouted at him, "We're having an intruder in the Facility! Falcon has already engaged him outside!", and then continued with his trot towards the more sensitive areas, like the science division.

"Ah, shit", said Nathan and started to run to find someplace where he could hole up until all this was over.

He went to the older parts of the Facility where grandpa Harry was walking around the corridors nonchalantly while people ran through him, probably curious to see what was happening.

He found one of the back rooms that contained old classified junk that nobody used.

He hastily opened the door and without looking inside quickly closed it behind him.

Then, he relaxed and saw the man standing frozen in the middle of the room in some weird sort of suit.

"Oh shit", he cursed, "I didn't know you were hiding in here man", he said. It was a commonly known secret that sometimes some of the soldiers would come take naps in the back rooms when they felt like it.

"You don't mind if I just hide in here for a little while? There's some jackass intruding or some shit", he held up his hands, "If you don't tell, I don't tell."

The man blinked a couple of times, "Uh, sure. No problem. I was actually – um – I just came here to fetch something – ah – that my superior – needed?", the end of the sentence sounded like it had a question mark. Nathan supposed the guy was a bit nervous with the intruding shit going on.

"I need to go now, I don't want my boss to get angry at me", said the guy apologetically.

"Yeah, sure. You never saw me."

"I never saw you", the man nodded, "I also was never here."

"Not at all."

The man gave him a gratefull smile and went over to the door, gave a quick peek at the corridor outside and then jumped out as he called, "Bye!"

"Yeah, bye, whatever", sighed Nathan as he slumped into one of the chairs, relieved.

"Crisis adverted", he muttered in relieve.

The next day everything was back to normal, except Sam, who sat alone in a corner at the cafeteria as he sulked.

"What's wrong with Sam?", asked Wanda in her Eastern Europe accent as she sat with him at lunch time.

Nathan almost giggled with glee, "Didn't you hear? He lost a fight with some ant-worshipper."

Wanda stared at him and raised an eyebrow, "Ha ha, very funny. Now, what did really happen?"

"I just told you! He fought with some ant-worshipper yesterday on the roof and lost, Kevin of security has been giving private screenings of the fight to some of the crew", he grinned madly, "I've gone twice already – it's hilarious", he smothered his laughter in his elbow as Wanda looked on in skepticism.

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. The big rule of the screening is to not tell Cap, since Sam apparently begged the guys at security to shush it", said Nathan gleefully.

"You enjoy chaos sometimes too much", she said as she shook her head, "Poor Sam."

Nathan snorted, "Sure, poor him. Why don't you go comfort your boyfriend, I'm sure that if everything else fails he's got a case of blue balls you could help with."

Wanda turned to look at him and narrowed her eyes, "Do you want me to turn you into a frog? I've never done it before, but I'm sure we could have fun trying it out."

Scooting a little away from her Nathan glared at her from what he hoped was a safe distance, "You spend too much time with Russian Spandex", he accused.

"She has a name", reprimanded Wanda.

"Yeah, Natasha, whatever", Nathan sullenly took another bite of his lunch.

Wanda shook her head, "Let's go to security", she said as she stood, forgetting her lunch entirely.

"Oh come on, they have a good thing going on there! Don't stop them!", whined Nathan.

Wanda grinned at him, "Oh, I'm not stopping them. I want to go see if it's true about the ant-worshipper."

Nathan grinned back as he stood up and flung his arm around her shoulders, "I knew I liked you!"

"Yeah, but I don't like you enough", said Wanda as she got free from his arm and took the lead to the security room.

"Oi, wait for me!", he shouted and went after her.

Days later, he was playing a game of Go Fish with Wanda in the Avengers' lounging room. Vivi had decided to sit out on the occasion and was watching the news on the telly like the boring prude he was.

"You lying cheater!", Wanda was accusing him of cheating his way through the game.

He clutched his chest, "How can you say something like that? You're hurting my feelings, Wanda, you're breaking my heart!", he said with as much emotion as he could muster.

"What heart, you don't have any!", said Wanda angrily, her accent stronger than ever now that she was angry.

"Of course I do! If I didn't have one I'd be dead", he nodded, satisfied with himself.

She narrowed her eyes at him, "It doesn't change the fact that you were cheating!"

"I wasn't! Vivi, back me up here!"

Vision turned away from the telly and stared at them, "I wouldn't be able to give a fair judgment since I didn't watch you play the game, but given your precedents I would agree with Wanda that you most likely did indeed cheat."

Nathan gave him a betrayed face, "You were supposed to be on my side, Vivi! You were supposed to be the chosen one!"

Wanda just rolled her eyes at him, "Come on, show me you can play a game without cheating", she challenged as she began shuffling the cards.

They were both so occupied with the game that neither of them saw the footage of a building completely disappearing on the telly that Vision was watching.

Vision, though, was giving it all his attention, "Fascinating", he said.

* * *

 **So I tried to make this funny, but I think its not like the first chapter, since this one is more about Nathan settling in and also, the plot doesn't really advance in this.**

 **I do have some plan for the next part which is gonna span the events of Civil War, but I'm not gonna write that until I get to watch Ragnarok. So next part is gonna take some time, but I need to make sure this doesn't deviate too much from canon.**

 **I'm too obsessed with keeping stuff to canon to simply disregard everything and spin my own story out of thin air.**


End file.
